Sunday, January 11, 2009

It's Not Fair

Sometimes life is difficult. Not mine so much, I suppose; I'm used to mine. I just muddle through it trying to keep a grip on myself and telling everyone that I'm fine. Most of them believe me.

What's really hard is watching the lives of others and being unable to do anything but listen and offer a hug and wipe the tears away. My good friend has a history that would make a psychologist cry and probably has. She bears her scars with dignity and continues to discard the baggage one bag at a time. She's a wonderful woman who deserves so much more than she's been given and I hope one day she'll not only get it but believe that she's deserving of it as well.

One of the people I love most in the world has spent the last year in the clutches of incompetent doctors in an attempt to discover why her health is failing and why she's in pain all the time. A year of this....constant pain, swelling that moves from one lymph node to another and back again, unable to sleep, to eat, exhausted all the time even while struggling to finish college and care for her two little girls. It's so hard and it's so frustrating for everyone, her in particular. She's spent the past year wondering if she has an illness that can be treated or not treated or if she's suffering from something that will take her away from everyone and everything she loves. Why should someone so young have to face that? Where is the logic in that? She has no bad karma to atone for. She hasn't cursed the gods and isn't deserving of their revenge. All she's done is live a good life and care for those around her. She's a joy and now she's suffering and it's dreadful.

There are so many people who face trials and difficulties in their lives and I wish I could pick them up and put them in my pocket where they would be safe and secure and not have to suffer anymore but my pockets aren't deep enough, so instead I stand in the wings and watch the suffering and cry. I want to do something. Anything! Anything that could help take it away or at least lessen the burdens. It's so incredibly frustrating that frustrating just doesn't come close to expressing it. It actually hurts inside to not be able to help when I so desperately don't want those I love to be in pain.

I want life to be fair and it's not. Horrible people go through their lives never giving a second thought to the pain and chaos they create while kind, caring people struggle and suffer. They plod along doing the best they can and are continually knocked down only to struggle back to their feet and plod along some more. It's not fair and it should be and I will never understand why the cosmos doesn't pay attention but I will continue to hope that at some point soon, it will.


Jes said...

thank you

Marty said...

Watching someone you love in pain is the most helpless feeling. I want to wrap quilts around you and your friend and bring you tea in beautiful cups.